Putting Life on Hold and Enjoying a (Parenthesis)

What is a Parenthesis? According to the internet, a Parenthesis is an interval, a pause or an interlude…  So how can we put our lives on hold and enjoy a parenthesis?

A few weeks ago, my oldest daughter, Gaby, booked a trip of a lifetime (I don’t think she’ll allow me to share where she’s going :-)… but anyway… after booking her trip, she sent me an email that filled my heart and soul with satisfaction. Her exact words were: “Thank you mami, for instilling in me the love to travel.”... Of course, before taking any credit for her compliment, I replied: “Thank your grandpa… he’s the one who instilled that love in me… and I’m just passing it on to you girls…”

I’ve been traveling with my family since I can remember. My father had a dream. He wanted to take us (my siblings and I) to a different continent every year. So a different trip was planned for each year, a different country (or countries) to visit. It was one of his biggest passions…. He said he wanted us to really SEE what was out there. He wanted us to learn from other people, other cultures, appreciate what we had or didn’t have, open our minds and our eyes to an entire world that is out there… My dad’s passion to take us with him to explore the world was wonderful and fun... sadly... it was also cut short... He passed away in one of our family trips… We were in Pakistan… Karachi… and after almost a month of visiting Japan, India, Nepal, Thailand, Singapore, and many other exotic places… he had a massive heart attack… As devastating as that was, I now know in my heart that he left us doing the thing he loved the most: exploring and showing us the world…

And that dream and passion passed on to me (and my siblings)…. And I guess I’m now passing it on to my own children! How great is that?  I now understand my dad's passion... and now I also want to show my girls the world!! So why do I start this blog with a (parenthesis)? Well… on my last family trip, while sipping on my delicious and beautifully decorated mimosa, sitting back and overlooking the Aegean Sea… I had a flashback of life back home, and work, and my car, and bills…. And I realized that when you’re out there, out there exploring the world…. It’s like your life is put on hold, everything stops… and trips become a (Parenthesis) in your life. Your trip is inside that parenthesis…. Open it, enjoy it, have fun, relax, go crazy, take pictures, videos, energize… then you close it, and go back to your life… but this time, you are filled with a renewed energy and vigor that lets you deal with almost anything that comes your way! So before your energy wears out again… start planning your next (Parenthesis)!

Have fun! Check out the_parenthesis on Instagram and share your special travel moments! J

I used to be cool... where did I lose it...

One night I found myself engaged in a heated argument with my oldest daughter, then 18 years-old. She was planning to go out with her friends and she was going to be out until 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning. Considering that she was still too young to be out so late, I said to her: "You know, there's nothing good out there at 3 o'clock in the morning!" And in that typical teenage style, she yells back:"It's not my fault that you never went out clubbing when you were young!!!"

At that moment I realized: "OH MY GOD!!! My children don't know who I am!! My children don't know who I WAS! I used to be cool, I swear!! I used to be fun, I couldn't pass on a weekend without going out, I was always in the middle of the dance floor while everybody followed MY moves, I WAS COOL!!!! I remember!!! What happened to me?????"

At that moment reality hit me... Hard.... where did I lose my coolness??

Then most recently, at my nephew's 21st birthday party, the kids were doing keg-stands (look it up on the internet) and my husband decided he wanted to do it!! The kids went wild!! "NO WAY!! WHAT A COOL UNCLE YOU HAVE!!" The next day, everybody was talking about my "awesome" husband on the social network. One particular entry to my daughter caught my attention: "You have such a cool dad, you can definitely tell he was a party animal in his college years...!!!" Well... guess what??? My husband was NOT the party animal in college... I WAS!! He was the one taking 18 credits per semester and I was the one fighting with him to go out!! NOO!! What is happening!!! I was the cool one!!! Where did I lose it!???

So I realized that somewhere along the 25 years of marriage and raising our four gorgeous daughters (Gaby is now 22, Katerina is 20, and the twins Andrea and Alexandra are 18) I was forced to become more of a disciplinarian and less of a party animal. It's funny, because when I'm with my friends, I am "ME", the old me, we make jokes, talk loud, pig out (because we're starting a diet tomorrow), but in our everyday life, yes, I'm guilty... When the girls were born and while they were growing up, I became a strict (BUT LOVING) mom. It was all about raising them, I did go out and have parties at the house... but the kids didn't get to see the "old me", they were either out of the house or with a babysitter. And when I was with them at home, I simply became "mommy".

And that's what happened... after that argument with my oldest daughter and my nephew's birthday party, I decided that it was time to let the girls see a little more of the "old me", to share more stories, to be wild!! But guess what.... no matter how much I wanted to be as cool as I was in the 80's, I found out I didn't want it back. Been there, done that! To tell you the truth... I don't have the energy now nor the desire to be that person! At this point, by 10:00 p.m. I'm ready for bed while my kids are getting ready to go out! I now meet my friends for drinks at 6:00 p.m., and a couple of hours later we're done and ready to go home! Reservations for dinner at 9:30 p.m.? Why so late?? If I drink too much one night, I need at least 72 hours to recover! If I dance at a party now, the next day everything hurts! One night we dared to go to a club with friends, we left 1/2 hour later because we couldn't hear ourselves think!! (We just stared at each other... how borring...).

And in a moment, I found out something beautiful! I found out that for my girls I didn't have to be a party animal to be cool! Imagine that concept! In my daughters' eyes, as well as in their friends' eyes, I was already a cool mom, not because of who I was in my youth, but because of who I am today. How? The girls come to me to talk because they feel I give them good advice. Because I listen to them, because I care, because I am simply here for them. I am cool because I am always planning trips and taking them to musicals. I am cool because I push them to be whoever they want to be, to be the best they can be, to enjoy life, make the most out of it and be happy! Their friends call me when THEY need advice. They come for a visit even if my girls are not home! I think that's just priceless!! That's the kind of "cool" that is important now.

So guess what? I AM still cool! I never lost it after all! Of course, once in a while my friends and I tell the girls stories about our youth, but beware... those stories will always come back to bite you in the ass.

The Heartless Truth about Honesty

I’m all “in” for Honesty. I’m a really big fan of it. Being honest is important if there’s a life and death situation, or if someone is in trouble, or if a good friend is acting stupid and needs to be put in his or her place! Sometimes it’s even good in a marriage (but not ALL the time – do NOT ask your husband if you look good in that dress or if he’s listening to you when he’s actually watching a game!!!)  However, I definitely have a problem when people use honesty simply to hurt or humiliate others, just for the simple pleasure of feeling superior or watching the other person get embarrassed…  People who simply use honesty to point out flaws or weaknesses in someone else: “your nose is huge” or “what an ugly haircut you got there!”… I love when they tell you that someone ELSE, perhaps an acquaintance, said something mean about you – like “she said you looked ugly in those pants!” What was the point of sharing that information with me? Honesty can be heartless, cruel… and it is really misused! As the saying goes (and I’m paraphrasing): “If you don’t have anything nice to say… just SHUT UP!” Do I sound bitter? Yeap! Because it just happened to me recently! If you think you’re really close to me, and have the right to tell me I've put on a few pounds and should get back on track, fine… do so… in private… I may or may not be hurt, and may or may not get back on track… that’s my business. But when you choose to be “honest” with me in public and in a demeaning manner, by telling me I have a “huge ASS” and “ooohh…. What happened to you???”… That’s offensive!! PEOPLE!! Really??? Was that necessary??? First of all, I don’t need to be lectured! Just like I don’t need to share information about my own workout and eating habits! You have a problem with my huge ASS? Don’t look at it! You shouldn't have been looking at it in the first place! Of course I could have told this person lots of things I had on my mind… but my best friend reminded me that I’m a nice person and I, too, should hush…. 

Cómo coño haces? How the hell do you do it? Six Life's Lessons...

So the other day I received a very flattering email from the younger sister of one of my best friends. You know how sometimes you see yourself differently from how other people see you? So this is one of those cases.

Anyhow… she began her email telling me that she wanted to ask me an “existential question”– existential meaning “philosophical life question”. She told me she was having a really bad day, and wanted to find out how come every time she sees me I am laughing and super happy… and she wondered: “Cómo coño haces? (How the hell do you do it?) Do you have a special technique to keep the cool and the sense of humor?” Obviously, she doesn't live with me because my husband, my daughters, my cats and my dog, Lobo, would tell you otherwise!

She felt like just leaving everything behind and disappearing because it was one of “those days”… and then she said she wanted to reach out to her “wise role models” (that’s me???) of how the hell to survive those days when you just want to escape!

So being the “wise role model” that I am, I took a few moments and I replied from the heart, realizing that in doing so, I listed a few lessons that I've learned along my years of existence and that I’ll like to share with you…

Lesson # 1: LAUGH! Laugh a lot! It works out your abs and it makes you feel good!

Lesson # 2: We all have bad days!! And that’s perfectly fine!! Embrace bad days, embrace wanting to cry, embrace everything that comes your way, good AND bad, embrace it all… UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS OK TO BE IN A BAD MOOD OR HAVE A BAD DAY, because that’s LIFE!! Today we’re here and tomorrow we’re not, so what the hell are we going to be miserable if in just a second it could all be gone and mean nothing!

Lesson # 3: Make plans, something to look forward to: a trip, a dinner, an outing, a party with loved ones…. Anything that you can look forward to and get through a long day at work or school! When you look forward to something, you get in a good mood!!

Lesson # 4: It doesn't matter how terrible you may feel inside, don’t go strolling around the world sharing that with everyone! Smiles multiple smiles! Laughter multiplies laughter! Positive thoughts multiply positive thoughts! Always have a smile on your face because it will make you feel better at the end of the day! You know what I do sometimes? I make a point of being super nice to a cashier or a total stranger who looks upset or sad... make them smile!! It will make you feel great!! Good thoughts, good energy, good vibes attract the same, so try to surround yourself with people who have that to offer you!! Of course this doesn't mean that you can’t call a friend to share a problem or if you’re sad… that’s what good friends and family are for! 

LESSON # 5: It’s no secret that life sometimes sucks, things happen… we can’t be in control of everything… when that time comes, make sure you are surrounded by people who fill your heart and soul with love and warmth, people who can guide you and walk with you through dark times. 

LESSON # 6: When we’re having a bad day out there, our homes feel so much cozier… so come in, close the door, sit back, relax, and surround yourself with loved ones!

A dear cousin of mine once asked me: “Are you happy?” And I told him what I heard once: “Happiness is a state of the moment. You’re happy now, but you may be sad in an hour. What you have to be is at peace with yourself, and learn to accept and embrace everything that comes your way.”

Now back to that previous statement:  Wise? Role Model? Me? Like I said at the beginning… sometimes we see ourselves differently from how other people see us… but that we’ll leave for another blog. 

Growing older gracefully… with your girlfriends…

I remember growing up when the words: “period” or “menopause” or the mere mention of a “sanitary napkin” was taboo… My mother would get really mad if my sister and I, or any girlfriend in fact, dared to speak about these “private female matters” in public! As I grew older, I came to be more free-spirited about discussing these things… Now, at my age, quickly approaching the big 5-0, new topics of conversation between me and my girlfriends include getting older and “menopause”…

The other night I was having drinks with my good friend from high school, and we were discussing hot flashes and PMS and ovulation... and I felt this wonderful warmth inside (NOT hot flash related), as well as a bond and appreciation towards all my girlfriends and sister who, with me, are growing older together. How extraordinary that this friend and I have known each other since we were 15, we’ve gone from copying each other’s Algebra or French test, to boyfriends, college, jobs, marriage, children… and now… menopause… how wonderful is that??? Really!

When I tried sharing this with a male friend he said: “Why are you so happy about it? It only means you’re getting old!” Another friend, when I told him I was feeling blue and needed to vent, told me to join a support group! And you know? That day I realized he was right! I needed a “support group”, especially now in my 40’s, closing in on my 50’s. I definitely needed the support of my girlfriends, who like me, were going through “the big change” or simply feeling the “tension” of getting older…

I am truly done with people with existential crisis, friends whose brains are in complete upheaval mode, unsatisfied, noisy… just noisy… I want friends who bring me peace, fun, laughter, amazing moments! I started surrounding myself with “easy” friendships, friends who, after hanging up the phone with them, left me with a smile on my face. And how about that? I found my own support group!

So next time I have a hot flash, or get moody, or I simply want to talk about the new white hair or wrinkle I found on myself, I call my girlfriends, and they know exactly what I mean! Of course… my biggest question about menopause is: After my period is gone, who am I going to blame my moodiness, bloating, and the massive urge to eat an entire chocolate bar on? That’s the only thing I’m worried about…

So yes, the clock doesn’t stop ticking… it’s actually ticking faster than I’ve ever felt before, youth is quickly leaving me behind, my children are becoming amazing young adults, there’s not much we can do about it, besides plastic surgery or Botox… So for now, I keep embracing getting older, enjoying the moments that make me happy, surrounding myself with incredible people, positive energy, and of course… a huge chocolate-almond bar! Or two…

Beware of Social Networks! White lies are becoming endangered...

Yes, yes, I know... We have all grown up with the constant threats from our parents about not lying... Whether you are a Catholic and must live with guilt, or have strict parents... the punishment we are told we will endure if we lie has been instilled in all of us from the day we are born...

But truthfully, we all come into this world with a chip that enables us to lie... and from a very young age we put it into very good use: "I don't know who broke that lamp!", "I don't feel good, can I miss school today?", "She hit me first!!"... "His parents were in the house, I swear!" yes, yes... these are mere samples of more lies to come...

As we grow older, we are told that it is ok to say a few white lies, mainly to save ourselves from hurting others... "I woke up with a terrible headache" (when you don't want to go to that dreadful baby shower), or "That dress looks gorgeous on you!"(the polka dots are making me dizzy...), or maybe... "You don't look fat at all!" (yeah... sure you don't!)...

And then there are those little white lies which, in this day and age of technology, can only cause friction and perhaps end friendships... "I never got your message!", "My answering machine broke!", "My phone died"... humm..... Let me share with you how I discovered the little  white lies of many of my friends... do they even like me??  I won't take it personally, because I too am guilty...

You may get away with a little white lie... but Social Networks don't lie...  Let me save you some embarrassment...

(Names, genders and events have been changed in order to protect identities)

So I sent out an invitation through facebook on private message to a few of my girlfriends... who I thought liked me at least a little... The event came and went with good attendance... but then this girlfriend in particular tells me, straight to my face "Sorry I missed your event, I never read your message!!!" What she didn't know, and which I will share  with you now, is that I discovered that when you read your messages directly from your cell phone, you are able to see WHO actually read each of your messages, as well as at what TIME, and the DATE it was read...!! AH!!!! I was shocked!!!! BEWARE OF TELLING SOMEONE YOU NEVER GOT THEIR MESSAGE! THEY WILL KNOW YOU ARE LYING!!

Another way you can get caught! I called a friend the other day... She tells me she missed my call because her phone had died and she was sleeping.... what she didn't know is that ten minutes after I called and left her a message, I saw a status she posted on facebook and right under the status it read: "5 minutes ago via Mobile"!! AH!! Caught you!!! BEWARE OF WHAT IS WRITTEN RIGHT UNDER YOUR STATUS!! Pick up the phone!!!!

I'm not done... I was on a trip to San Francisco, and someone who I dearly love posts a check-in: "So and so is at the Marina Village Shopping Center"... I wouldn't have thought twice about it, except that right under the name of the mall it read: Alameda, CA (which is literally 15 minutes away from where we were). So I write: "Cool!! I didn't know you were here!" And she says: "What? No!! I'm in Louisiana!!" Humm.... can technology make a mistake?? BEWARE OF YOUR LOCATION POSTS!!!!

And last but not least... when people tell you they can't come to your party because they are not feeling good or have a boring literary convention or scientific conference.... BEWARE OF TAGS FROM FRIENDS!! You WILL find out that the conference they were going to is actually another party with some other friends who they may consider cooler than you!!! And by the way, the picture is great! You look really cool in that outfit!

Pitiful, right? Should I find new friends?? Perhaps some of them... but not all... I am also guilty of white lies and I'm sure I've been caught in a few. To tell you the truth, I would rather not know so many details about who said what or when or where... Because someone is bound to get in trouble. Sometimes we just want to be left alone, or be somewhere else... and that doesn't mean we love each other less. I guess we just have to be more careful of what we say and do when there are millions of eyes watching us. At least we can still get away with saying: "You don't look fat at all!!" Unless they invent a mind-reading machine…

Making my children proud...

They say that writers should always sleep with a pen and pad on their nightstand... Oh my... if I could just remember to put a pen and pad on my nighstand, I would have already written 10 books, and they would be SO BRILLIANT!!! I come up with the best ideas while trying to go to sleep. The voices in my head come up with great stuff, but I'm too lazy to get up and write them down. I try memorizing them, but then in the morning... like right now... I forget everything... So today, since I'm procrastinating from organizing my girls' rooms, I decided to seat back and TRY to remember what I wanted to say today... Today I want to talk about making my children proud...It's funny how everybody always talks about making our parents proud, and we put so much pressure on ourselves to do that. And OUR children work so hard to make US proud! Whether we want to make our parents proud by getting good grades, or being involved in the community, or getting a great job, make a lot of money, or be rich and famous.... whatever it is we do, we are always trying to make our parents proud... But what about wanting to make our CHILDREN proud?? This concept is new to me. I hadn't really thought of that until very recently when my life turned around completely with the beginning of "empty nesting". I woke up one day and my four baby girls were big!! HOW!!!?? WHEN DID THEY GROW UP!??? My oldest in a matter of 2 months graduated from college, got an amazing job in a very renowned banking institution, and moved out of the house into a beautiful apartment. My second baby is off to college five hours away from me, doing wonderful! And my twin girls graduated from high school, began college and are now in the process of finding themselves and rearranging their sisters' bedrooms.... which makes me a little sad because I really wanted the two oldest to be able to come home and have their own room. But I understand the twins need their space. Still.... these changes make me a little melancholic because it marks the end of an era. But going back to making my children proud. Now that I see that they are young adults, they have their own views of life, and I wonder what they think of me? In paper I think I'm pretty good... I have my own translation company and I work from home. I wrote a book "Surviving Motherhood" which is sold in all major websites and from which I receive a WHOLE $1.99 a year in royalties, I've written several articles for different magazines, newspapers and websites, I think I'm a pretty good mom, I've raised my girls to be AMAZING young adults, even their friends love me and come visit and ask for my advice on things... that's pretty good... right? Yeah, I guess... but then there are always a handfull of people in a person's life who will always somehow find a way of making you feel less about yourself. I try to keep those people outside my bubble... but sometimes they make their way inside it and poke a hole in it trying to deflate it... So then one day I wondered... are my children proud of ME??? I'm not even going to ask them because they are going to say "YES, OF COURSE!" Bless them, they do love me! But I decided a few weeks ago, that I'm going to find things to do to make my children proud of me. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm here now... brainstorming while I write this blog.... I'll figure something out. In any case, I'm starting today. Since I completely lost my job as a chauffer when the twins got their drivers license, I have more time on my hands to think about what I'm going to do! For now, I'll start blogging. This concept is new to me, but right now it feels pretty good to be able to write to somebody out there who will hopefully, someday, read my thoughts and give me ideas of things I can do to make my babies proud. I love you girls! And I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU!! Bye bye now! Actually.... I feel pretty good right now! I like blogging!